* * * * * * * Pour It Out * * * * * * *

Through It All

2011-09-17T07:56:00.000-07:00

It was Your hands
that held me through the broken road
It was Your grace
that today I'm no longer lost
It was your face
that shined when there was no more hope
It was your strength
that kept me hold on strong

Father Your love never fails
Even when my faith it fades

I'll sing
Holy, holy, holy is the Lord
Faithful, faithful, faithful is the Lord
Loving, loving, loving is the Lord, through it all.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

A song I wrote few weeks back. It reflects how God has been so wonderful in my life, reminds me how He made me a somebody when I felt worse than a wretch.

A New Place With A New Beginning

2011-08-12T22:55:00.000-07:00

Greetings people! Sorry for the very late update and do ignore about the reason behind it, because I don't know what excuses to come out with. Haha. Just so you know, I'm currently taking my degree for International Business in UTAR, Sg Long. I wasn't really happy before moving here because I had been receiving a lot of negative feedbacks about this place, which are mainly about how "kampung" this place is. From what people uttered, it felt as if Sg Long is a very deserted place. For that reason, I prepared myself for the worst before moving here. However, I was so surprised during my first day here and that I couldn't believe people call this place "kampung" when people in my condominium drive sport cars and houses around here are mainly bungalows. Not to mention that in 15 minutes drive you can go shopping, movies and karaoke. But what I really like about this place is the environment with the many trees, unlike the city.

I remember when I first came here I was so excited with the new campus life that I joined 4 clubs and 2 on-going activities. The clubs I joined are music club, dance club, sports club and Christian fellowship, whereas the activities are mainly related to the counselling unit. Looking back, I guess I just wanted my university life to be colourful and honestly, I was just afraid that I'll have not much friends here because I was pretty lonely when I first came without my closest friends. They no longer are studying in UTAR. I filled my time with so many activities. Even there was a point of time that my new roommates voiced out their worries that I might not be able to cope up during the peak season of the semester. I agreed. Still, silently I wanted to challenged myself and finish what I’d started. I'm holding positions in some of the societies and I can't just quit. I choose to continue by prioritizing certain activities and eliminating those that are less significant.

Back to my roommates, I really don't know how to express this. The matter regarding my roommates is the most concerned subject before moving in to this new place. I was so used to living with my previous roommates that I got worried if I'm able to click with the new ones. I didn't know what to expect. The reason I moved in to this house is because the place is nice, I needed a room and they needed more people to fill in the place. So yea, just like that even without knowing who they were back then. Still, I remember praying for this, that whatever it is, I would just continue to believe that God placed me here for a reason and that all things work out for good in the end. Indeed, I didn't need to worry when worries are put in God's hands. My roommates are two very lovely ladies. We share our ups and downs, we help one another and I am just so thankful of how they are so good to me and that they really do genuinely care for me. I really appreciate them so much.

I just want to thank God for his abundant grace and blessings and I really do believe that I am here for a reason. I'm not talking about the physical. I'm very looking forward in reaching out to people and seeing souls saved. People need to know God because only through Him, only then one can live life to the fullest, one can know what true love means, one can know the purpose of life and the beauty in every single part of it. I'm currently joining Kajang Assembly of God and no longer joining World Harvest Church because it's so far from here. Although I miss the church a lot, but I'm really glad to be joining the current one. I'm starting to serve the Lord in ushering and I really don't mind serving more. It's a privilege. It really is. The church members here are very lovely people too and one thing I love about the church is that it is a living church. I see how people are really passionate for the lost and that they really have a heart for mission. I am really looking forward to know more about God here.

Uhmn, I guess that's all for now? But before I end, I have something to show all fo you :)) *shy* I was recently asked to represent the music club to perform a couple of songs. I performed twice. Once was when they were promoting for music club and the second time was during a food fair. I didn't really practice. Just went for it for fun and to explore more in doing crazy stuffs. haha. I hope my voice won't disgust you ya. And that's all for now. For more updates, stay tuned. Till then, God bless and take care, loves :))

My Roommates and A Lil Update About Myself

2011-05-09T12:56:00.000-07:00

I can't imagine how this 1 year of foundation in UTAR would have been without my roommates. I must say that throughout the whole year, they've undeniably made an impact in my life. But of course, like many others, it was to some extent a challenge for me/us in the beginning to live with not one, but 2 roommates in a room, which leads us to no privacy at all. Not to mention when all have different habits and flaws. But still, I thank God for putting these two wonderful people in my life and this is the reasons why it's so hard to accept the fact that we're no longer sharing the same room together anymore. One went back to Sabah for a long break from her studies because she doesn't know what course to take for her degree yet, while the other one went back Sarawak to continue her studies there because her parents asked her to. Believe me; I’m really not used to without you guys around.

Looking back, I see how time really flies. Whether during the good times or bad times, I genuinely cherish all of those moments we spent. Even the moment we sat in a circle talking and passing the ice cream from one to another, just chillin’ before the exam. Even the moment when our housemate was hospitalized because he was wounded by 6 motorists outside our house and we were so terrified that we triple locked ourselves in our room and off the lights, shaking and praying together. Even moments when we danced in our room and the living room like nobody's business. Even the moment when the police came middle of the night and complained that we were too noisy. haha. And not to forget those little moments we had, those heart-to-heart talks and those times that I'll disturb both of you from bed when you guys were trying to sleep. haha. I'll miss all of these. Now let me introduce both of you J

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is Ria Carleen Enriquez. Hot, sexy, you name it. She can't get her hands off her phone. She can talk for hours and say that she doesn't make long calls. She drops her mobile phone on the floor almost everyday. She gets into bed the earliest but falls asleep the latest. Her eating appetite is in haywire. She can eat very sweet food and still thinks it’s not sweet. When she's cold, she makes the “ssst” (sucking sound) which people usually make when they eat something very spicy. She's very good in maths, so she helps me out in maths while i help her out in Eng. Compared to Estelle, I usually spend more time with Ria because we took the same foundation course. We attend the same classes together, take our meals together and sleep together. She’s a Sabahan. We’re from the same hometown. We knew each other since we were 11. We were always together, anywhere, anytime. People might feel strange though because she's slightly darker while I'm fair. Still, who cares? We're colour blind in this case J

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now this is Estelle Tan Shuk hui. She’s cute, enthusiastic and cheerful. What impresses me the most is how she’s really diligent, intelligent and you can forget about finding ways to make her give up. She hates the sun. She doesn’t like to go out most of the time, unless you’re asking her out for karaoke or something real fun. She’ll express when she’s annoyed. She’ll keep quiet and not talk when she’s mad. She watches drama and anime a lot. She’s a kpop fan. She labels biscuit as "roti". She calls ice creams “khelame”. She’ll calls revising “xue shu” instead of “du shu”. I guess it’s most probably because she's a Sarawak-ian. I knew her through my sister's church's pastor's dad's friend. haha. Estelle and I are known as the noisiest ones in the house, because we both have the similar personality in terms of friendliness and enthusiasm. Oh and, I thought i sing a lot, but wait till you see her. She can literally sit in front of her laptop with her speaker/hands-free and sing for hours! Hebat kan? J

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyway, there’s a lot more about them, but these are the only things I can recall of for the time being. Overall, they both are really good people. And here’s a little update about me. I’m currently still in Petaling Jaya doing nothing, just waiting for this Sunday to move in to my new house in Sungai Long (somewhere very ulu near Cheras and Kajang). New house, new housemates, new roommate, new surrounding, I really don’t know what to expect. No worries though, God is in control. I just wish that people will be kind to me. Oh and another thing is, am looking for a new church situated in Sg Long. Haven't found one yet and can’t possibly travel to the current church I’m attending in Wangsa Maju, or else, I’ll miss out lots of evening services and events. So, the only way is to plant myself into a new church near my future house because I want to continue to grow and grow steadily. Hmn, what else...oh ya! My result is going to be out anytime this week. Oh mannnn, please be out soon. I’m sick of wondering and yes, I am pretty worried. Ughhh... That’s all for now folks. Stay tune for more updates yea J

This is My King

2011-04-10T10:45:00.000-07:00

He is someone I've personally encountered.

I call Him Love whom agrees no hatred.

He holds me close, makes me feel belonged.

He gives me assurance that I’m not alone.

His name is Jesus, the living son of God

came down from above to save the lost

though was rejected and condemned,

His love for the people will never end.

He is the King of all nations, of all thrones

everything in the universe He is in control

He’s the light that guides every step I take

whenever I face troubles, He will not forsake

I will lift up His name and worship everyday

For surely, His love for me will never stray

To Him we offer all praise and glory

for He had won the ultimate victory.

(Yvette Ding Pei Fern, 2011)

The Tongue: Kind Words Vs Cruel Words

2011-01-11T02:50:00.000-08:00

Kind words bring life, but cruel words crush your spirit.

(Proverbs 15:4)

Words are not trivial. Simple as it seemed, it can stir up anger, it can discourage one, it can hurt one's feeling or in the other way round, to cheer, to encourage and to boost up one's spirit. Many have not noticed the significance of it, but it is undeniably an important aspect in our daily life and choices are given to all, to speak nicely or cruelly to people. Of course if you're wise, you'll choose to speak nice. I'm not saying that you're supposed to sugar-coat words even when one has did a big mistake and needed to be advised and corrected. What I’m trying to say is, there's always a better way to do it, as in avoiding to rouse up one's anger, yet to let that particular someone understands clear enough and receive the message you're trying to deliver cheerfully with an welcoming heart.

The bible mentioned in proverbs 18:21 that words have the power over life and death. You see, yesterday was the day of the release of my 2nd semester's final result. I read the blog of a friend of mine. She was in tears. Upset and disappointed because she failed her exam. Most parents would scold or would be disappointed over her, but surprisingly, what brought me to tears was how her parents responded with encouraging words. Saying: "don't give up my girl. There's no big deal in failing your paper, continue to strive, I’ll be there for you. There’s nothing to be sad and tensed about okay?" Isn't it wonderful? This is how it should be-offering words of affirmation to express love when one is discouraged.

In life, there are so many challenges we're facing and there will be more of them ahead of us. Sometimes, we might even be in situations when we're accused, persecuted, blamed, judged, discouraged and facing people with less kind words. As a friend or a family member of one, it's significant for us to offer kind words to people around us. Enough of spiking words that you think they're going to challenge and boosts one's spirit. The truth is when one is depress and down, the best is to present kind and encouraging words. People get challenging and spiking words a lot outside, they can't stand it if even at home or around friends they thought they can rely on, such words are uttered. Love is a choice to be made. Choose to love. Choosing to offer kind words is definitely an act of love, people. Love is kind, love is not ill-mannered.

It's funny you know, when we were still learning to walk at very young age, everyone around you encourages you every time you fall down. People don't say, “you stupid kid, walk straight, try harder to walk!” Instead, they’ll say, “its okay, buck up, you can do it, yes, go ahead, oh you fell down again, never mind, keep trying, yes, that's the spirit”. Instead of giving kind and encouraging words, people give spiking ones, even your friend or your family sometimes. Where are the kind and encouraging words you used to give? Kind and encouraging words are needed to a child, so as a teenager and an adult. We all need them. Stop being mean.

Despite of those downs I personally faced in life, I'm very glad that I got to know God whom I can lean on. Whom when I’m in my saddest state, I can turn to Him and I know, I’m definite, that I can find comfort from Him, and that He will embrace me in His arms. Despite those harsh words people threw to me, I’m glad that God speaks so gently to me and that I can always be assured of His love through reading the bible, which is one of the ways He communicates with me, gives me words of affirmation and often answers my prayers through it. What a loving Father I have in heaven. You rule Daddy J! I can't express how awesome He is.

People ask me how I can be so assured that He is real, that He is the one true God. Simple. You just got to give yourself a chance to experience Him. He's there alright, knocking the door of your heart every single day and all you got to do is believe and receive. That’s how amazing God is. He doesn't give up in hoping and being patient though you being hard-headed, rejecting Him and everything. God is love. Love is God. Turn to Love and give Love a chance would you? Be blessed everyone.

*Message is encouraged by Gary Chapman, the author of The Five Love Languages.
*Picture taken from here.

Goodbye less than three

2010-09-27T09:06:00.000-07:00

There's one things i can't deny

How this love was never a lie

for this love i fought, i tried

but this very day on i shall let it fly.

Apologizing to you doesn't seem enough

for i know forgetting all is truly tough

But every words spoken was from the heart

i'm sorry that this all has to be so hard.

I thought it felt right but that right was wrong.

In the end i realized what was truly going on.

Goodbye my darling, take care, so long.

Here i am now, officially moving on.

Maybe one day, someday, we'll meet again

hopefully that day we'll see things the same

i really don't know if you'll finally change

but one thing for sure, i'll stay just the same

Goodbye <3

-Yvette Ding Pei Fern, 2010

So Far Yet So Close

2010-09-14T09:06:00.000-07:00

I never felt so high above
Until one day i discovered true love
You proved me that fairytale exist
When that very day we had our first kiss

No matter how many miles we are apart
Love has no distance in out hearts
As long as we are willing to wait
The day we reunite is never too late

Although there will be ups and downs in this journey
But ultimately baby, you'll still be my one and only
Hand in hand we'll go through this
Just hold me tight, that's all i need

We both know what we have is real
Whatever happens I'll love you still
As long as we hold on for each other
This love of ours will go on forever

Believe me baby when I say I love you
Coz this heart love, it only speaks what's true.

I LOVE YOU

-Yvette Ding Pei Fern, 2010

Through His Grace, I've Been Set Free

2010-08-17T09:20:00.001-07:00

For those who declare publicly that they belong to me,
I will do the same before my Father in heaven.
But if anyone rejects me publicly,
I will reject him before my Father in heaven. (Matthew 10:32-33)

Greetings everyone! that scripture was taken out from the bible, just so you all know. Well, what i'm about to share in this entry is something related to that scripture above. People face ups and downs in life. But unlike most of them, i have this tremendous power guiding me all this long. Introducing my Saviour, name above every name, JESUS! Yup, that's Him. i wouldn't be the Yvette today if it wasn't Him that saved me out from darkness, hopelessness, sadness, emptiness and etc, etc.. Just want to declare that I am a Christian and I'm proud to be one. Guess what? I was baptized on the 24th of July, which was last month. The old me is officially dead and gone. Who you're seeing now is the new Yvette, no longer a slave to sin, the spiritually-circumcised Yvette =)) all glory to my Abba Father above.

It all started when i was still at the age of 6, my mum sends my siblings and i to a church nearby called Calvary Church every Sunday. My brother didn't attend church much. my second sister didn't like it. don't know why though and i stopped going because i hated my so-called friends there, while my eldest sister, Faith Ding continued attending church and i never bother to know why. Even until i was in my primary school, i never attended church because i still hated those friends and I didn't see the point in going to church. i knew there was a God exist. but in my mind, who cares?

When i was at the age of 15, a friend of mine, Yvvane asked if i am a Christian and asked if I want to go to the baptism class with her to be baptized in another church. I said yes and that's all. didn't even bother much of what's the purpose of baptism. I think the only reason i went for the baptism is because there's this friend of mine that told me it was very cool, everyone will be very proud of me. So yes, i attended every singe classes, went for the baptism. it was on a stage when the pastor just made a prayer and sprinkled water all over my face. i didn't even get the idea of it. So after that, i stopped attending church.

After not long, a good friend of mine, Elaine, asked me to join the church service and Christmas celebrations int her church. Her mum and her church members tried to guide me in my spiritual life. but it didn't help much. my heart was still full of doubts. When I face challenges in life, when i get down and upset, i tend to text my siblings which were in in West Malaysia, far away from me in Sabah, my hometown. Frustratingly, they always don't give me a solution to solve my problem. Often they'll only ask me to stay strong and pray, ask God how to solve that particular problem, He will answer my prayer, He will guide me through it all. Well during those time, for me, those words they said were totally stupid and i even complained to my mum that my sisters were reacting that way.

Not until i started reading the bible bought by my sisters, Faith and Nicole. Every time i read the bible, i couldn't seem to stop myself from continuing reading it. The holy spirit was truly working wonderful jobs in me. i was touched again and again by the words from the bible. Like how God loves us so much. Miracles performed. Answered questions i always wanted to know over life and death. I gained tremendous faith in Him. i was certain that He is alive and He loves me. Most importantly, i was very touched that He never gives up on me even though i rejected Him again and again during my past.

Because i didn't feel right attending Elaine's church, i actually attended my old church again, Calvary Church, where i used to hate those so-called friends there. hehe. I realize that i no longer hate them but forgiven what they'd did to me during the past. It was God's grace. Purely His grace that made me a better person. Enabling me to forgive and let go of the past. The pastor there recognized me of course, while other people seemed to be curious, wondering why i attend church alone and sat behind the church alone every Sunday. Slowly, we became a family in Christ and we grew together spiritually in Him and I even served in that church.

I always wanted to be baptized like how others were baptized in the bible, but i didn't have the chance to when i was still in my hometown. So after i came to west Malaysia to further my studies, i finally had the chance to be baptized in water by my church member here in World Harvest Church on the 24th of July 2010, and not just sprinkled by water. My chains were gone and i was truly been set free by the holy spirit :) and even greater news, my brother accepted Christ! Hallelujah! My prayers were heard by the Lord. He was so deeply touched when he first attended World Harvest Church and that same exact day, he accepted Christ! And today, he's still standing firm in Him!!! :)

Four of us siblings accepted Christ, now i'm going to continue praying for my parents so that they may experience the joy, hope and love that we siblings are experiencing in Him :) We believe those who believe in Jesus and accepted Him as our Saviour will go to heaven and those who don't will end up going to hell. obviously i don't want my parents to go there, so as any one of you out there. I'll continue to share the message of god and live as a testimony of Him, pray a lot, and the rest, i'll let Him do the job. hehe. That;s pretty much of what i wanted to say in this entry. But before I end,

Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
Well, i thank God for everything that He'd done in my life. Thank him for all His blessings upon me, my family members and my friends. Thanks Him for he never fail me. I shall put down my will and lift up His' =))

Me, baptized by Pastor Karen :)

An Honest Utter

2009-08-02T22:27:00.000-07:00

Another poem of mine for the school magazine.
sounds kinda weird for people like me to write things like this.
hope you'll enjoy reading :)
it's called "An Honest Utter"
don't really have a proper ending actually.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Who are we to compare with
when we are living in richness and fame
while others suffer so badly
thankful just to breathe one more day

Who are we to be enraged
saying "life ain't playing fair"
while opportunities were knocking on the door
but our noses were too too high up to ignore

Who are we to question
that life is never a fortune
while we sit and dream of glorification
unwilling to put words into action

Who are we to complain
to walk with just a few more steps
while others do not have the chance
trying so hard to move, but in vain

Who are we to grieve
with arms wide open easy to receive
while others, homeless, on the street
evicted from where they try to lean

Who are we to criticize
"oh, that person, what a sly!"
we are so good in these judging games
but the truth is,
off with the skin we look just the same.

--------------------------------------------------------------

think there's other more suitable title to replace?
feel free to drop your suggestion :)
was thinking of something to do with the word "monologue" and "incomprehensible"

I Found Light

2009-07-23T01:14:00.000-07:00

Agaseh's students..you'll see this in the pelita next year :)
thanks to those who helped in completing this.. you know you did :)

the night is long
with everything seems wrong
i ventured into darkness
just to discover a secret

i found light
that gave me hope, direction
like a lamp that guides
it saved me from my struggles

i found light
it overcame evil
it radiance so bright
even the darkness can never fight

i found light
it cast out doubts and lingering shadows
saving me from my fall

the road had never been clearer
till the very moment
i found light

never,
will i ever slip into darkness,
anymore.

HOPE YOU'll LIKE IT :)